Embrace your piss tape, Donny!

In the late 1960s, when Indonesian President-for-life Sukarno (As seen with Marilyn Monroe) visited Moscow, he found himself enchanted by two tall, beautiful blonde stewardesses, who he duly invited back to his room for a red-eye flight. Before ending his diplomatic visit, he was confronted by KGB agent who showed him footage with the ladies of Aeroflot and was told that unless he wanted the film to be made public, he was to follow Kremlin to the letter.

According to rumor (maybe false, but nothing I invented) during one of Trump’s many visits to Moscow, he didn’t just stay at the same hotel suite as the Obamas, but also slept in the very same bed. This was supposedly where the Burnt Orange man was showered in zesty yellow. Aside from the hot liquid ecstasy, the act was also a wonderfully symbolic insult to the man who he would come to replace and has been systematically undoing.

Maybe because Trump owed such a staggering debt to Putin, he didn’t suspect Russian leader needed more leverage, but being a former KGB head,Putin taped his pisstravaganza, officially making him Putin’s poodle for life.

Rewind to President Sarkarna, half a century ago. When the diminutive dictator saw footage of his own ménage, a tiny brownstone between two shiny skyscrappers, instead of being embarrassed, much less owned by Moscow, he asked for more copies to show back home. Such virility could only enhance his popularity in a country that was democratic in name only. Historians have argued about the pros and cons of Sarkarna – he negotiated between Moscow, Peking and everywhere else as it served him – but one thing is for sure, two weeks ago in Helsinki, the little dictator, who might have been a bottom in the bedroom, would’ve made Putin his bitch on the world stage.

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